The way the inner critic talks to you is so aggressive and personal that it can safely be said you would never use such an approach to anyone, not even someone you despise deeply. Still we tolerate that, we often consider it natural to think that way about ourselves and you may find that also disconcerting if you reflect on it.
The way we are criticized by the inner critic is not constructive or inducive of effort to improve ourselves, in most of the cases, in fact, it has as only consequence that we step back, avoiding risks and giving up enterprises. This is the reason changing the relationship we have with the inner critic is so important. So that it doesn't stop us from doing what we want, make us doubt about what we are capable of.
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Where does the inner critic originates from?
This is an extremely important question to answer because when you understand his story you can better understand what it actually do and why and how you may want to go about in changing the relationship with it. Legend has it that the inner critic originates from the time we are just born and we are completely dependent from others to be kept safe. The inner critic starts its career as a kind of nanny that has the task to avoid any accident, discomfort, disappointment etc. Do you know that feeling of going about your life as usual and noticing thoughts in your head down the line of:
'you will never manage', 'this is going to end badly', 'this is way out of your league'. An unfriendly critic, personally attacking you, your value as a person and your abilities in all areas of life? Because it goes via your thoughts it is far too easy to confuse it for a kind of inner knowing, a reliable truth, something you just hope nobody else will ever realize about you. The negative emotions that arises by experiencing such thoughts can be nefarious, from discouragement to full blown depression also including hopelessness, despair and sometimes anxiousness and anger towards yourself. Most people have a preferred strategy in case of possible conflicts and that is to avoid them at any cost. The price you pay to avoid any kind of conflict, always and at any cost, can be one of the following, just to give a few examples: - Stress that builds up in your body and manifests itself in your behavior; - Sleeping badly; - Superficial relationship with other people: because you never say what you really think to avoid a conflict; - Unfulfilled dreams: when you avoid potentially conflicting situations and in doing so you lose opportunities. There was an elderly gentleman sitting on a bench thinking about his own business.
A woman passing by looked at him and thought: 'What an old pervert, creepy!' After a few minutes a second woman was walking by the bench when she noticed the old gentleman. She smiled and felt a warmth inside and she thought: 'it reminds me of when my grandfather used to take me to the park to play, the best afternoons of my childhood'. Shortly after, a third person passed by, |
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