Think of one conflict you find yourself in at the moment or the last you had and reflect on what where your motivation to hold on to the conflict or to enter the conflict in first place.
Then you can consider what you know about the motivation of the other party in the conflict. Do you actually know what the motivation of the other is?
Often conflicts are seen as a simple match between parties, both sure to be right and both prepared to have a fight over it. One will win, the other will lose. Unfortunately the efforts and all the attention tends to go to the goal of winning, rather than to finding a solution that improve the situation.
Conflicts are characterized by the involvement of two people. They are also particularly difficult to resolve exactly because a second person is involved that happens not to see eye to eye with us. What a trap that seems, isn’t it?
There is a secret process that can help you transform the conflict all on your own. The concept behind this process is that the tension created in the conflict is kept in place by the contribution of both parties involved. This implies that if the quality of the energy of one of the two parties changes, the quality of the tension held between the parties will inevitably change.
It can be enough to change slightly your perspective towards a conflict to notice a change in the kind of energy between you and the other party in conflict with you.
Most people have a preferred strategy in case of possible conflicts and that is to avoid them at any cost. The price you pay to avoid any kind of conflict, always and at any cost, can be one of the following, just to give a few examples:
- Stress that builds up in your body and manifests itself in your behavior;
- Sleeping badly;
- Superficial relationship with other people: because you never say what you really think to avoid a conflict;
- Unfulfilled dreams: when you avoid potentially conflicting situations and in doing so you lose opportunities.