Of course conflicts are unpleasant and it is only natural that we try to avoid them.
What are the ways we avoid conflict?
‘De NILE is not a river in Egypt,
DENIAL is, however, one of the most common problems when it comes to resolving conflicts’
The reason conflicted are avoided and denial plays an important part is because we instinctively want to avoid the pain and the stress of facing the conflict.
This strategy however doesn’t work, never has. No sustainable solution can come from avoidance of a conflict.
A first step to move in a different direction is to understand why the conflict is so painful. It has to do with a need that is not visible and therefore not met.
We are adult, doing adult work in the workplace and at home, however, when a trigger cause even a little conflict were a need is not met and the emotional pain is such that we cannot do anything but avoid the conflict, there is also a younger part of us that manifest (most often without us realizing).
The younger part is not adult and is triggered on an emotional level. It often feels really natural to just suppress it and go on with our life. This is what we do when we avoid a conflict, we refuse to see the need and the pain of that need not being met, the emotion behind our conflictual reaction.
How would it be to accept that inside, somewhere, there is that emotion? (think of fear of failure, sadness or anger)
How would it be to feel it for a while?
How would it be for that younger part in you to feel acknowledged?
It is really important to notice that at any point I suggest to act on those emotions.
The most important outcome from the acceptance and acknowledgement of what is, is that you as a whole person are back in control of your inner world. You direct the orchestra, you decide the music.
Would you like to read more about conflicts and how to solve them? Download the checklist 'Conflict to Avoid'