Conflict Resolution: The need 2/6

What may behind such a conversation that doesn’t sounds like a big conflict yet, however, doesn’t sounds like harmony either.
 
J: This is not right!
K: Yes it is!
J: I’m sure this is supposed to be different.
K: Believe me it has been meticulously checked. 

---

Using the example above and simplifying extremely for the sake of explaining the concept:
 
J: This is not right!
            Here there may be a fear of failing, not being good enough due to things in the past perceived as failure that have left a painful sign on him.
Here could be a need for security.
 
K: Yes it is!
            Here may feel insecure, under evaluated and frustrated from what she interpret as being doubted.
Here could be a need for reassurance.
 
J: I’m sure this is supposed to be different.
            The need is not met in the contact with the other and J. keeps fighting to satisfy his need.
 
K: Believe me it has been meticulously checked.
            Her need is also not being met and she also keeps fighting to keep her head above water.
​
Now imagine a world where J. has the opportunity to become aware of his need.

​Where he develops a strategy to satisfy his need. Where his communication reflects what is happening here and now, instead of what he still needs from the past.

Where he can see the need of K. even, and being able to address her in a manner that is effective, respectful and even empathic.

What a pleasant colleague would it be? What a great husband?

It goes without saying that the same can be said about K., if she was to become aware of her need and develop a new way to approach life so that her need is met.

Can you imagine how her communication would change and the relationships at work and at home.

​Would you like to read more about conflicts and how to solve them? Download the checklist 'Conflict to Avoid'