Your Family Tree

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Making a family tree, following the indication that I give you below has more than one function:

- It helps you and me see how you feel within your family of origin;
- It shows patterns that can concern many different aspects and that could possibly carry a meaning;
- It reconnect you with your roots.

This work is heavily inspired by psychogenealogy that is the use of the information from your family to heal.
The making of the family tree or genogram is already a grounding experience that brings awareness, the working with the information in the genogram can take you to much more healing and awareness.

When you decide to look into your family history to understand the connections that has with your current situation and in particular with problems you are faced with in your life, it is important to do some prep work.
The main objective is to collect information that are relevant, possibly to unearth information that we unknown before now. ​

This is not meant as investigative work and it is not supposed to take too much of your time. Use the information you have already and eventually ask your parents or other family members for clarifications if you feel the need to do that.

The process is in two steps.
The first step consists of drawing your family tree following certain rules that are explained here below.
The second step requires you to answers some questions about your family.

Some of the question will not apply to your family, other you may not know the answer to. Focus on the ones you know the answer to, there may be something important to use during the constellation.
Make sure to send me back this material previous to the session. You can draw the family on a piece of paper and send me a picture and fill in this document with the answers.

1- Draw your family

Draw your family as shown in the scheme above.

You draw everybody in your family that has had an influence in your first 18 years of life. When available indicate first name, family name, dates of birth, death dates and wedding dates.
You can use the distance between the members of the family and the dimension of the forms you use to represent them to express your perception of the bonds connecting yourself to them: who was closer and felt safe? Who felt distant and not safe?
Note any reflection that arises while you draw this family constellation.

After having answered the question from the next step, you may note in your family tree information about the members of the family, for ex. ‘lost a child’, ‘was in prison’, ‘has been excluded by the family because ...’

2- Answer some questions about your family

How did my parents meet and how old were they at the time?

Was there any important relationship prior to their meeting?

• Did it end peacefully or in conflict?
• Were there any children (alive or aborted)?

At what age did they get married?

Were their families happy with this union?

If they did not marry or separated after marriage, do you know why?

How many brothers do I have, including half-brothers?

How many siblings do my father and mother have?

Did any of my siblings died prematurely?

Did my grandparents (mother and father side) had children that were aborted, died at birth or when really young (before 30 years old)?

Did a woman in the family die in childbirth from the consequences of childbirth, or did she suffer serious damage?

Has a family member committed crimes such as murder or manslaughter?

Have any family members committed sexual violence?

Have anyone in the family experience bankruptcy?

Has anyone in the family been involved in war, persecution, natural disaster or similar socially major events?

Is there anyone who left an inheritance or inherited illegitimately?

Has anyone in the family committed suicide?

Has anyone been a victim of a crime?

Anyone with a physical or mental handicap?

Anyone was priest or nun?

Were there any stays in psychiatric hospitals?

Has anyone been in prison?

Has anyone gone bankrupt?

Was anyone homosexual?

Has anyone been excluded from the family in any way?

Has anyone emigrated?

Were there any births out of wedlock?

Were there any children in the care of adoptive parents or relatives?

Have there been any adoptions?

Have there been children sent to boarding school?

Has anyone been expelled from the homeland or escaped from it?

Has anyone been limited to leave their patents’ house?

Is there anyone with parents of different nationalities?

Was there any form of tragic fate?

And in grandparents' families?

In those of great-grandparents?

Are there any family "secrets"?
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