When we have a problem, we often talk about it, we tell the story. The goal we try to achieve is to find a solution, we hope that the unfolding of the story as we tell it to someone else, will reveal the solution or at least give us relief.
However, the results of this strategy are often disappointing, we hardly ever come to a solution, we may feel better believing it was not our fault, but nothing more than that. Fortunately, there is another way to approach problems that give more results: focusing on feeling the emotions.ragraph.
When we focus on emotions and feelings we move the attention towards ourselves, our experience of things and our perception of the reality around us. The biggest advantage of doing this is being able to influence the outcome.
When what is bothering us is someone else’s behavior there is little we can do about it, we cannot change others and how they behave. But when we focus on ourselves and how we feel about something happening outside of ourselves (like someone else’s behavior) we can choose to respond differently to the trigger, we can identify an emotion that we don’t want and work towards feeling differently.
We cannot change others however we can definitely change ourselves. And there is a bonus applying this more self-oriented strategy of problem-solving: when we change our approach, the way we feel and the way we approach circumstances and situations outside of ourselves, this inevitably has an impact on how we are perceived from others and often triggers changes also in the others around us, in the way they approach us. It is almost like by changing ourselves we change also our environment.
Do you want to make the first step?
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