 Now imagine you identified a conflict and you found out the need hidden needs behind the conflict and you also know what the fear is and the desire.
You have yourself figured out and you feel you can take care of yourself, feel better and approach things differently, more to your liking. How powerful does that feel? You stay now strong in your own shoes and can communicate differently.
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 There is a tight relationship between conflicts and fear.
Fears need to be acknowledged to make a first important step toward an healthy and healing resolution of conflicts. Write them all down, all of your fears with regards to this one conflict you are working on. Take at least 10 minute to do that and allow yourself to dig deeper and let out also the scary thoughts.  Fear is the opposite of love. This means that when our actions and our words are driven from fear they don’t come from the heart.
That’s a pity, really, because when we can speak from the heart we often don’t have conflict. Conflict are originated far too often from communication driven by fear, unconscious, invisible fear, that our needs will not being met.  Of course conflicts are unpleasant and it is only natural that we try to avoid them.
What are the ways we avoid conflict?
‘De NILE is not a river in Egypt, DENIAL is, however, one of the most common problems when it comes to resolving conflicts’  What may behind such a conversation that doesn’t sounds like a big conflict yet, however, doesn’t sounds like harmony either.
J: This is not right! K: Yes it is! J: I’m sure this is supposed to be different. K: Believe me it has been meticulously checked.  It is sad to say but it is a fact, we regularly experience conflicts within ourselves and in our environment.
Another undeniable fact is that most of us go out of their way to avoid facing a conflict. What a pity!  Photo by Kimson Doan on Unsplash Even the most solitary person has some form of social life and even if there are different degrees of being social, we need a social life to function well.
I work with a lot of clients that live abroad and they notice immediately how important the social dimension of their life is. Moving abroad means not having a social life at the beginning, it means to have to work at it, work hard at it sometimes, in order to create one. And only then you realize how complex it can be to fit in a new social reality and how it affect your self-image if you do not feel like you fit in.  Many believe the balance is achieved by staying away from the opposites. By standing still and neutral in front of a polarization. I believed it too and tried so hard for so long to achieve that standard and then I discovered that it doesn't work.
I literally mean that the 'balance game' doesn't work like that. Is actually the opposite movement that will achieve the result of bringing you into balance.  Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash Spending time alone with yourself, either walking in nature, meditating, journaling or just sitting somewhere with your thoughts, has many gifts for you, gifts of the sort you cannot buy anywhere.
When you spend time with yourself you connect with yourself more and more intimately. What that means is that you start to get a sense of who you really are under all the conditioning of society, workplace, family and social media.  Photo by Ben Blennerhassett on Unsplash When I say it is important to be alone I mean that it is important to spend time with yourself. And the time you spend sleeping counts, however is not enough. I’m talking of time alone with yourself, time of self-reflection, time to check how it is going with yourself.
As I felt that this was the topic I was going to write about I realized I never read or hear this kind of advice given to people, I am not sure why, as I know this is something really beneficial that successful people use in their life and especially happy people do, as spending quality time with yourself makes you lean towards a kind of success that is more commonly referred to as happiness, whatever that means for you. |
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Lara Briozzo
It is all about life - Coaching, Psychotherapy & Relationship therapy - kvk 63578611 www.ItIsAllAboutLife.eu; info@itisallaboutlife.eu; Terms & Conditions Algemene voorwaarden Termini e condizioni Privacy policy Privacyverklaring Informativa privacy Discaimer EN Disclaimer NL Disclaimer IT © Lara Briozzo - Photo's Flickr |
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