The long term goal when you discover that you have ADD is to develop into a well functioning satisfied person that can live with the aspects that ADD brings with it.
The video that I attach below is focused on adolescent with ADD, this text is focused on translating that information for adult that recognize in themselves ADD characteristics.
Even if you are already adult and therefore developed, when ADD is in your life and you have not been able to be treated before, you may still have to heal, so that you don't suffer under the consequences of ADD.
You could call that healing or development.
The goal is unconditional positive regards done building nurturing relationships.
The most important things to avoid are punishment and criticism.
For adults is important to make the choice to create a positive environment where this goal can be achieved, this could mean educate your loved ones about what ADD is and what you need.
As per avoiding punishment and criticism, you will find out really soon, that that is more an internal game.
The most harsh punishment and criticism will be inflicted by you to you in the form of an inner conflict. Make sure that conflict is taken care of, eventually with professional helps.
Listening to the inner critical dialogue that suggest you should be punished, can only lead to isolating yourself from other waiting until you will be able to do better. The inner critic will be the judge of that and you know the critic won't be fair or compassionate with you while attunement and compassion is exactly what you need to develop.
Alternatively self-punishment can lead to lowering your expectation all together and deciding that you have to aim lower and be realistic. This is also some how a punishments suggested by the inner critic.
Both attitudes will disconnect you from an open and vulnerable contact with the important people in your life. If you realize that the nurturing relationship with your environment is the key to heal and develop yourself, you will see how the attitude of punishment must be addressed and stopped.
As an adult the first and most important relationship that needs to change to learn to live with ADD is the relationship with yourself. Many won't even see what is going on inside you unless you show them or tell them.
It may look like a coming out to your environment for aspects of you you have been trying to hide for years and it is also a bit like that. Choose carefully to whom and how to share your truth.
What could help is to tap into your creativity.
The inner world of people with ADD tends to be more creative, sensitive and active that the rest and this requires a creative expression. Take care to find ways you can express yourself in satisfying ways, and make sure you give expression to all of yourself. You will find it helps to have a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
I completely understand if all this seems a lot to do alone, the truth is that there are a lot of people in your life that probably would love to help you and know more about you and what you need.
If that is not enough, take good care of yourself and find a therapist you trust to help you further.
I do not do diagnosis and I do not specifically work with people who have DSM diagnoses, however, there is a growing number of people approaching my practice that shows aspects of ADD and that questions about it. There has been a lot of new discovery in how to understand and approach better ADD that may not being yet widely known. My intention is to share those views. These blog posts are written, for those asking themselves if they may have aspect of ADD and/or how to understand that better and what could be done about it. This is of course just informative and in no way can replace being diagnosed by a professional.
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