Action has meaning only in a relationship, and without understanding relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict.
The understanding of relationships is infinitely more important than the search for any plan of action.
It is often said that it takes a village to raise a child and it is indeed so. There are many people contributing to the environment where a child grows in. Of course the influence of the main caregivers is prevalent.
'Children swim in their parent's unconscious as fishes in the sea'.
On a biological level ADD has to do with low dopamine level.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter involved in:
Focus - Attention - Motivation
The main objective of medication for ADD is to elevate dopamine.
ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, has three main characteristics:
1) POOR ATTENTION
If people with ADD are not really interested they struggle to pay attention over a period of time. This implies distractibility: the attention wonder far too easily and therefore tasks can take longer to get completed or not get completed at all. An aspect of this is forgetfulness: leave things behind, forgetting what you were actually doing etc.;
I have written so much about the inner critic, maybe too much. I like when I find other people explaining it better than I do. In this specific video there is also a beautiful and simple way you can challenge your inner critic.
Write a letter to your teacher/boss/self dated one year from now, where you explain how you achieved this extraordinary goal that you are now starting to work at. Extra instruction is to fall desperately in love with the person you are describing in the letter.
1- Focus on criticism and above all on everything that has happened since you know each other and that proves that your partner is wrong;
All of us confronted directly or indirectly with an affair have asked themselves this question and realized there is not a straightforward answer.
However there are some important reflection that I would like to share to look at your relationship in a way that I believe is going to make cheating less likely.
The first very important suggestion I would give you is to talk about what you consider cheating with your partner. Be aware that there are often big differences between what you and your partner consider cheating. Be honest about what you would consider cheating if you partner did it and check if the same standard would also apply if you were having that same behavior.
Another one of my favorite, from the not sitting still kind of meditation, is using music. You may actually also sit still for this one, however, that is not required, you may move slightly on your chair and even stand up and move more widely.
There is also a dancing meditation that I will write about in the future, but this meditation with music is really just focusing on the music and how the listening of music can enhance the experience of perceiving ourselves.
1- What you consider cheating may be completely different from what your partner believe is cheating;
2- The reason people cheat is less obvious that you may think: more often that not it is about something the cheater misses and therefore looks for inside him/herself;
3- Every couple affected by an affaire has to make sense of what that experience is going to mean for them: there are many possible outcome, cheating can trigger many really different reactions.
Sex is still considered a taboo, maybe not the loud sex used in advertisements, but surely the intimate, erotic experience that lovers share.
It is a pity, really, because is not rocket science, you just need to be prepared to reflect on yourself and your experience, reveal to yourself what you really like and want and then maybe, to share your new found self also with your romantic partner to create an intimate erotic relationship.
To get you started in the personal journey and the relationship journey I share this podcast (see video below) and I add some question you can use for your self-reflection and self-discovery.
How do you turn yourself on?
How do you awaken your desire?
How do you ignite your desire?
Do you believe that you deserve to want and desire?
How does imagination sustain desire in your life?
How do you explore eroticism in your relationship?
How do you engage in your relationship?
Do you consider women sexuality a duty? Do you live by what you believe?
Do you give yourself permission to surrender and loose control?
I personally do enjoy my sitting in silence meditation moments, however, I have enjoyed discovering many more ways to meditate.
When I work with people and I share these other ways to meditate I notice that many people need and crave for this different approach to meditation.
Maybe sitting in silence feels too far away to our every day life to easily relate to and be able to start a regular meditation practice or maybe we are just in need of variety in our life, even in our meditation practice.
The first alternative modality of meditation that I want to share involves colors, the freedom offered by closing your eyes, and the allowing of your intuition to guide you.
What if the answer was not in your logical mind, but to be found closing your eyes and letting go?
(For whatever aspects where there are not specific instruction you can choose, use your creativity, follow your own flow)
- Take at least 10 min. of quiet time (better if 20 or 30);
- Choose some music that you find soothing and/or enjoyable;
- Have in front of you a piece of paper to draw on and colors spread on the table around the paper sheet;
- Close your eyes and get in deep contact with yourself (you may want to bring a specific theme or question into the exercise);
- When you are ready, keeping your eyes closed, pick up a color and draw on the paper (you will soon loose track of how what you draw may look like and you don't know what color you are using);
- Allow the unknown to unfold, trust that there is more than your logical mind that has important information for you and the running of your life. Enjoy the process as much as possible;
- When the time is up and/or you feel you are complete for this session, open your eyes and take in what you see.
Observe your reactions, allow a second layer of reaction to emerge, meditate on your question relaxing your gaze on the experience you just had and the results that it produced on paper.
I would love to answer your questions and hear your experiences with regards to this way of mediating. Get in touch: firstname.lastname@example.org